Fat with a Face

"You got any fat-free pudding?"

"Uh... I think it's too late for half measures."

Some people are overweight. You can even go so far as to say fat. Very fat. Clinically, morbidly, ridiculously obese. This particular person goes above and beyond the normal concept of fat.

This person is Fat with a Face.

They've ceased to be just a person, and have become a planet with it's own gravity. I don't know how these people fit themselves into a vehicle to get to the store in the middle of the night.

Of course they're buying food. Snack food. And they will bowl you over to get to it. Do not stand in the way of a FWAF, they won't be able to see you under their 7th chin, and will mow you down with their belly.

I've personally witnessed a female FWAF who was so large that while walking down an aisle, her ass-cheeks bumped things off of shelves on either side of her. These aisles, by the way, are specifically designed so that two normal sized human beings pushing shopping carts can pass each other without touching.

FWAFs also like to ride the motorized shopping carts, often screaming at you to get something for them off of a top shelf so that they don't have to hoist their sweaty bulk up the extra 8 inches. I'm slightly bitter about knowing I'd get in trouble if I burst out with, "Maybe if you WALKED your fat ass around the store you wouldn't be so ginormous."

FWAF's are also beyond lazy. I believe this is why the food department is in the front of the store. If a FWAF had to go 20 feet farther down the store for a bag of Cheetos the world might end.

One time a "mother of the year" asked me about laundry detergent you should use for baby clothes. I pointed out the baby specific laundry soap we happened to be standing directly next to that she was oblivious of. She replied that it was 'too expensive, how I s'posed to be spendin' that much on washin' powder?' I said, "Well, you could go back into the infant's department to see if they have a different brand back there, since that's where ALL of the baby stuff is kept." She refused to walk back there as it was, 'too damn far away, I can't be walkin' all over this damn store, I just won't get no washin' powder.'

Walking at a sedate pace I can make that journey in less than 20 seconds.

So if you see a huge fat bitch with an either naked, or filthy child, think of my FWAF.